[He gives that thought, though not for very long.]

Emptying my head. Relaxing. Not needing to be anything more than me for a bit. I get...static in my head. Too much emotion and thought tangled together to a mess I can hardly think through and for a time, only way to sort through it was pain. I started bar fights and let one or two get hits on me for it. I made use of the Arena here for the same. I've had others apply pain to me in the middle of sex with full consent. All of these things have been...frowned upon by many more than just Jon. That was part of how we found our way to his being my handler: his desire to offer me another route.

...why? What does it look like for you?