"I know. I spent all yesterday with Amelia. I thought after that we'd be..." He trails off, uncommon for him when he's usually so sure of what he's saying. He holds just that much tighter to Chris for trying to find words. When he speaks again, his voice is soft, as if sharing some shameful secret. "She didn't want to do it, I know that. We both know that. But I can't help seeing it behind my eyelids. She was just... Blank. Focused. That look on her face was the same one she gets when hunting a mark. I couldn't even- They'd taken my magic again, too, so I was helpless, and it made it so much worse. I trust her, this isn't anything she'd wanted to do, but now I... I flinch. If she's anywhere near a knife, I flinch."

He sighs raggedly, like some of the weight has shifted and it's not a comfort, just a source of shame to have what's underneath be revealed. "I don't want to be afraid of someone I love. It's not her fault, and I don't know how to fix this."