It's not selfish if I'm asking Fuck, that is helping. If you want to help me then don't treat me like I'm as fragile as I think I am. Prove to me I'm not. I would rather hold you up from the ground then stay standing on my own just for the sake of it.
I don't want to fix anything if it's without you.
[ A year plops on the screen of his phone, starling Wolfe as he didn't realize he was crying. Fuck, why can't he stop? It feels like the only times he's able to stop entirely lately is when he can share Chris' space.
There's a long pause while Wolfe struggles to figure out what he wants to say and how to say it. ]
I know that was indescribably awful. I know you'll remember it for the rest of our lives. I will too. But the part I will remember is when you came back to me. When you looked at me with recognition and we decided together that the only way out was through.
You're not the one who broke me, Chris. The city, maybe, but not you. From where I'm standing you did the best you could when it was you. It was your body before that, maybe even your decisions and your magic, but it was missing a fundamental basic pillar of who you are. It was missing your care. The affection that can sometimes be sharp and leave marks but always protective. Always safe. That didn't feel like safety and so it wasn't you. It's not you without being able to care for the wants of someone else. So no, Chris. You're wrong. You have the right because I gave you that right and I have never once regretted it. Not now or ever.
So please... Unless you don't think me worthy of your time or effort anymore on my own flaws...
[ He hopes the autocorrection feature is working because he can't see the screen anymore. All he wants is to go fine Chris and hold him. To barrier them both against the world, but he's not even sure where he is right now.
Wolfe himself is hiding upstairs in the corner of an empty conference room. He shouldn't have come to work today, not feeling so empty as he does, but he hadn't really thought about it. He thought he'd been getting along alright but today it's become clear to him that he's simply been going through the motions. This conversation has simply cracked the dam he's been trying to shore up since testing. ]
I love you. Need you. I feel like I can't breathe.
no subject
Fuck, that is helping.
If you want to help me then don't treat me like I'm as fragile as I think I am.
Prove to me I'm not.
I would rather hold you up from the ground then stay standing on my own just for the sake of it.
I don't want to fix anything if it's without you.
[ A year plops on the screen of his phone, starling Wolfe as he didn't realize he was crying. Fuck, why can't he stop? It feels like the only times he's able to stop entirely lately is when he can share Chris' space.
There's a long pause while Wolfe struggles to figure out what he wants to say and how to say it. ]
I know that was indescribably awful. I know you'll remember it for the rest of our lives.
I will too.
But the part I will remember is when you came back to me.
When you looked at me with recognition and we decided together that the only way out was through.
You're not the one who broke me, Chris.
The city, maybe, but not you. From where I'm standing you did the best you could when it was you.
It was your body before that, maybe even your decisions and your magic, but it was missing a fundamental basic pillar of who you are.
It was missing your care. The affection that can sometimes be sharp and leave marks but always protective. Always safe.
That didn't feel like safety and so it wasn't you. It's not you without being able to care for the wants of someone else.
So no, Chris. You're wrong.
You have the right because I gave you that right and I have never once regretted it.
Not now or ever.
So please... Unless you don't think me worthy of your time or effort anymore on my own flaws...
[ He hopes the autocorrection feature is working because he can't see the screen anymore. All he wants is to go fine Chris and hold him. To barrier them both against the world, but he's not even sure where he is right now.
Wolfe himself is hiding upstairs in the corner of an empty conference room. He shouldn't have come to work today, not feeling so empty as he does, but he hadn't really thought about it. He thought he'd been getting along alright but today it's become clear to him that he's simply been going through the motions. This conversation has simply cracked the dam he's been trying to shore up since testing. ]
I love you. Need you.
I feel like I can't breathe.