He takes another shaky breath under the fortifying feeling of Wolfe's forehead pressed to his own. He wants to claw and fight the words that Wolfe wasn't deserving. It was Wolfe's way of trying to compromise, trying to put them in the same place to move on from...but it feels wrong and sickening to think. Yet he'd made such compromises to Jon before for the same reason. 'Start here and we'll work on the rest.'

Tears slip free from his lashes and run down his cheeks. "I keep...coming back to the thought...I should've fought. I should've fought and killed and tore at anything and everything to keep them from doing what they were doing. Being complicit...wasn't a kindness. I should've died rather than do what they wanted...for me and for you. At least I'd have died the man you love...the man I want to be...rather than letting them turn me to something I can't stand."

He shakes his head and pulls away only to not have to look at Wolfe. "I can't stand the thought of you or anyone else forgiving me cause I can't...that's in me now...and they can pull it from me again. They might have forced me into it, but if there'd been no way to force that from me at all...if it'd not been there to find? I...I know I'm a bad person, but I didn't think I was like that..."