A year ago she'd blamed the city, but she knows the siren is as much a part of Chris as anything else now. There's blame to be laid everywhere, in her eyes, the same as there is with what happened between her and Wolfe. It's picking it apart enough that she can properly convey it that's the true challenge.
"The city may have changed you, but it didn't force you to pull me into the water." She starts there, because it's important to address his concerns. "It's not your fault entirely because the siren was new to you. New instincts are the same as new hormones as a person grows: you don't always know how or why you do something, only that you need to do it. It can be resisted, but temptation is harder to resist so early into the change." A beat as she takes a breath to steady herself. "I looked at you and let my grief change who you were in my eyes. I called you the wrong name and knew it was wrong. I hurt you, and our relationship has always been one where we hurt each other in our anger and sadness.
"It wasn't right of either of us. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that or ignored the fact that you were in front of me. In that same way, you shouldn't have worked with whatever creature it was you rode on to take me under the waves. I was out of my mind with grief, but it still-- you still..." A long, shaky exhale. "You killed me, and that lingers even as I walk among the living again."
She's not scared of him, nor of the siren. She's not even scared of death. What does scar her is losing him to something that happened when they were both living outside themselves for circumstances temporarily beyond their control.
no subject
"The city may have changed you, but it didn't force you to pull me into the water." She starts there, because it's important to address his concerns. "It's not your fault entirely because the siren was new to you. New instincts are the same as new hormones as a person grows: you don't always know how or why you do something, only that you need to do it. It can be resisted, but temptation is harder to resist so early into the change." A beat as she takes a breath to steady herself. "I looked at you and let my grief change who you were in my eyes. I called you the wrong name and knew it was wrong. I hurt you, and our relationship has always been one where we hurt each other in our anger and sadness.
"It wasn't right of either of us. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that or ignored the fact that you were in front of me. In that same way, you shouldn't have worked with whatever creature it was you rode on to take me under the waves. I was out of my mind with grief, but it still-- you still..." A long, shaky exhale. "You killed me, and that lingers even as I walk among the living again."
She's not scared of him, nor of the siren. She's not even scared of death. What does scar her is losing him to something that happened when they were both living outside themselves for circumstances temporarily beyond their control.