chrisisofaith | IC Contact

I think it's cause you're used to getting hurt in the middle of a fight. We don't have time to indulge or acknowledge that then, we've grown used to leaving it aside for later.

It is a little different when it's done slow and you're letting it happen. Like if your discomfort slowly turned to pain.

Maybe, or maybe it simply wouldn't be appealing to you. Unless I say it, apparently.
Hard time believing that one, though: you've never put that much weight to my words before.

Have you done much with blindfolds?

I at least consider what you have to say more seriously than most.
I'm willing to try most things at least once, anyway, or how will I know for certain?
I'm just not keen on getting cut, but pressure I do like.
As for blindfolds, a little. Mostly on other people.
Have you?

...is it a shorter list of things you haven't tried?

It would in fact be easier to list what I have not done or will not do, yes.

But I have put blindfolds on others more often, hard to dom with a blindfold on. Regular sex you can though.
Ra'ah would do this thing sometimes where he wears this headband all the time and I think he liked the look of it covering my eyes
Except he wears it constantly.
It's love if you don't tell someone their headband smells like stale sweat and dirt that close to your nose.

But we could always try that if you like. You might like knifeplay, having the threat of it and maybe only occasional, controlled cuts that barely bleed.

Actually, you could probably ask Morrigan. He's very good with knives.

Or being able to keep going after having to stop mid-fuck because the cat is pawing at the door.
Sacrifice is definitely true love.

I might. I'd be willing to try, at any rate.
And he is at that. I'll have to come up with some reason to bring it up though. We're not exactly at the point of 'so you're good with knives and I'm curious about knife play' out of the blue.

What's something you wish you could do more of?

You poor thing

Just bring it up exactly like you just did with me: what have you done, what would you like to do more of, I’d like to explore more with you

We benefit from our surroundings in the sense that there doesn’t need to be shame or hesitation in talking about this particular subject

For what I would do more of let me think

I know I miss having two lovers working together to overwhelm me and the feeling of them taking me together, but it’s not something I want to go to strangers for, even if I can.
It’s a fairly vulnerable arrangement

Otherwise, I don’t think I’ve had sex in front of a mirror since Lux was here

I should
I will
I should have when I spent so long at his place during Tumenalia
Granted we were... distracted.

I'd be happy to help overwhelm you any time. I'll even arrange it if you give me names of who you'd want. Make a day of it until none of us can walk.
I could also be both parties myself, or even more hands besides. You know what I can do with my magic. Imagine more than two other hands working on and inside you.

As for a mirror... I do have an idea about that too, but I think I'll save it as a Candleglow gift.

Distracted doesn't sound like a bad thing.

A tempting offer on both parts. I'd be inclined to try both. I bet you and Rhys would be quite good at the task and of course I've a fondness for your hand trick. I happen to have a fondness for giving mages reasons to practice their craft in a distracting situation.
I'll keep peace about the mirror, but if you get me a mirror that gets me off, I might become more self-involved than I already am.

Can't have that, I'd never see you
We'll stick to sex magic, then
I've been thinking up quite a few things I'd like to try with you, since you're usually so game.
For example, most spells need a line of sight to be cast on a target. Does that mean it would work through video, do you think?
I like the idea of a well placed camera letting me have my way with you from afar, though there's a significant downside in my not being able to actually touch you.

[ Which is why he hadn't brought it up until now, but stupid o'clock on a sleepless night seems like the time. ]

Suppose it depends on how literal. I hadn't thought to try it.
We should.

You could always tease me like that for a bit until I'm owed retribution for your indulgence.

Would you beg me? Or just come storming in here in demand of said retribution?

[ That's a thought. It's a vague fantasy that's been rolling around in his head but like the bondage, it's a trust thing, to trust that someone you've explicitly allowed to come bursting through your door to simply take you will still stop when you demand. He has no doubt he could make someone stop, obviously, but there's deeper issues there with all the things the city makes them do or be outside of their right minds. Some things he has to be careful about here when at home it wouldn't have even been something that crossed his mind.

Doesn't make the thought any less attractive to him in this context. Consensual non-consent... something to bring up later perhaps. For now, he's more focused on the part where he drives Chris to distraction. ]

I do wonder how long it would take for you to beg me no more. Or if I could get you to come with only that, my eyes and magic.

[ He nearly flips it to video then, but that wasn't the point of this. His point was to find out what Chris enjoys. Right. Yes. Focus. Pain may not be his personal cup of tea but a thought does occur to him that could be compatible. ]

On the subject of pain, though, it does occur to me I get that rush in battle. I'd be lying if I said I'd never had a stray thought after a fight. Or a stray hand for that matter.
Especially when on the run.

[ He knows Anders had been a very satisfied man in that regard, he has no doubts. ]

[He's about to respond, he has a playful seduction of words written out when the last part comes in and Chris pauses. Was something wrong? He'd thought they were heading toward some sort of sexting mutual getting off or at least teasing, but maybe it was too late or just bluster? That wasn't usually Hawke's style.

He can adjust well enough, at least.]

I can imagine there's an extra high of adrenaline then, then rush of the run as well as the fight.

But that's the rush I mean, it just comes from the pain as much as the fight itself for me.

Then maybe that could work.
Feral from a fight, already bloodied, the winner taking his prize.

[ That does seem appealing, and hopefully more along the lines of what Chris finds appealing too. Hawke has no doubts that what they do already is well within the realm of what Chris enjoys, that's not the question here, Hawke just feels he's been indulging his own desires instead of leaning into what Chris may be wanting. He's well aware the cleric has other partners for other fulfillments, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't try. ]

[He pauses again, but decides to curtail the teasing himself lest Hawke stumble into something he didn't want to for whatever reason.]

Agreed, we should give it a try next we aim to spar together. Worst case: we've had a fun bout of practice. Best case, we get far more.
Maybe a nice long soak afterwards

You make everything sound enticing.

[ It's nearly three in the morning now, he shouldn't act on anything. He should be a responsible adult and try to go to bed. But all of these imagined scenarios and his trying to find what he could do for Chris had left him hard and aching not just for sex but for something else he doesn't want to name, even alone in his room where no one can see.

He stares at his phone for a long time, going back and forth on whether he should just say goodnight or if he can be a selfish masochist and ask Chris over or to meet somewhere. Satisfy them both and then himself over again by simply having Chris fall asleep in his arms.

Sighing and curtailing the urge to throw his phone across the room instead, he continues to stare and think and torture himself with indecision.]

I do like a good soak, especially with the hot water causing stings to whatever injuries we'd then sooth on each other.

[ Selfish maybe not, but a masochist certainly. ]

It's a gift.

[He might not have the gift of personality and charisma radiating from his skin the way some people did, but his attention was individual and thorough and what had started as a method of controlling a conversation through sensual tilts in his wording or tone simply shifted into second nature here.

Something Hawke had pointed out to him more than anything. It wasn't a change he minded, at least.]

I agree too well. I'm earnestly looking forward to it. For now, you ought try to sleep, lovely. As should I, I'm bound to rise in only a few hours.

[ Or Chris can make the decision for him. ]

You're right, of course. I've an early morning ahead of me as well.
I'll see you soon, at any rate. For this or any other reason.

[ He doesn't quite throw the phone so much as plunk it face down on the bed and roll over in a staunch attempt to ignore it.

He's lucky. He should count himself such, anyway. This sort of aching hardship is a welcome one over anything else he could be dealing with. This he has experience with, at least. Three years of pining and wanting and nights like these only the phone makes it worse because instead of wondering if he's up or what he's thinking Hawke can just ask. He could just tell him everything, instantly.

It would be so terrifyingly easy.

He shoves his face hard into his pillow and resolves not to move until morning. For about ten minutes. Then takes it up, rereads the conversation, and at least takes action on the one problem this has caused that he can solve, however temporary. ]

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