Lord Chris Sonom (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chrisisofaith) wrote2020-08-20 12:31 pm
chrisisofaith) wrote2020-08-20 12:31 pmIC Contact
UN: ravens
You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.
chrisisofaith) wrote2020-08-20 12:31 pm
UN: ravens
You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.
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He moves to put his hand at the nape of Chris' neck, knowing the weight of it may be rebuked but wanting to do it anyway. Wanting that touch to convey that his pointing out this observation is a testament to how well they know each other, and how he worries for his friend and his charge.
"Chris, it's alright to be happy. And it's alright to let things be."
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What would make him happy...
The hand on his neck isn't rebuked, but he's stock still under it even as his eyes fall from Amnos' face. He could read him too easily...and on some level he missed it. On another...he never wanted this conversation. How could he go back on what he'd already decided? They were in too deep and fear had crippled the chances to leave. What would he even find out there, past the edges of his region, the unknown and ineffective? Jon had been right, even if he could Gate his way to one of his friend's worlds, what good would he be there? If he left the Moonsea as it is now, would what they'd done really be enough or would it simply unravel? What would have been the point in everything they'd gone through if it all fell apart? Would it?
He wasn't so important as all that, he was just a mortal man with borrowed power and a legacy handed to him. He was no different from anyone else, he just happened to be in a position to help. Shouldn't he use it? Thazt's what a good person would do.
"I am happy. I'm happier with you and the others, more'n I've been before. You all helped me to have a life at all, if shouldering a few things means I can make the lot of you happier for it, then I'll do that. I'll do what I'm meant for. You all deserve a home...and as much as I wish to be free of it, it's mine as well. Even here, even seeing and learning new things, I miss it." He shakes his head. "No, I'm just whining, Amnos, don't mind it. I won't abandon my place."
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At this, he kneels to look Chris in the eye. He almost never does, having once been chided that when he does it makes others feel that he's treating them like children, but in this case he needs to be on level, needs to make sure he's understood. So he kneels, not like a father taking a knee nor a vassal to his lord. Like a friend, seeing eye to eye.
"I never want you to shoulder anything for me that you're not perfectly willing to, and by Korth I never want to hear of you putting our happiness ahead of your own. If you're happy in Duplicity, then be happy there. You don't have to coddle us, or worry too much. Silver will keep us in line." He smiles then, warmly and hiding nothing. Amnos can be guarded when he feels he should, but in general if there is no reason to keep himself contained, then he wears his heart on his sleeve. "We miss you. We love you. We want you and you'll always be ours. But Chris, we don't need you to keep living. Don't make us into shackles."
no subject
And then Amnos is kneeling down and he wants to flinch away, to look elsewhere but at those earnest green eyes that could nearly give Silver a run for his money. He wants to argue. He's not shouldering anything he's not willing to. He wants them to have a safe and happy home, he wants to help them build the lives they want and why shouldn't he when he certainly didn't know what else he might do. For all his ambitions to be Ardri, to unite the Northern Coast and maybe even the Moonsea as a whole one day, they weren't Chris' dreams, they were goals for them, his family. Those tiefling children who deserved to grow up in a land that would respect their name.
He doesn't say any of it. Doesn't argue. Because he doesn't want to even hear the suggestion that his strays-turned-family were shackles. That they might see themselves as such. That Chris might see them like that.
He didn't, but the implication hurt enough.
He flinches for his own thoughts, looks away, and then back as his hand comes up to rest on Amnos' shoulder. "I love you and want you all too. I don't want to have to choose. For now I don't have to but, if times comes, I'll make as best a decision as I can. That I'll at least promise."
The rest is too much for one night.
He takes a step closer and presses his forehead to Amnos' chest. "You know, you're probably not even real. I can't possibly be dreaming you right now...or maybe I am because it's impossible. Who knows."
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Not the best logic, but earnest at least. His palm rests against the back of Chris' neck while the other arm holds him close and tight in support. "Just live your life, Chris. How you want it. No one can ever ask more of anyone than that. Know that if there's a way where you don't have to choose, then that's what we'll work towards too. And if there isn't-"
He leans in then, closer to Chris' ear but not so close as to hit his friend in the face with his horns. Or maybe he is that close and the horns are just no obstacle in dreams. Things are getting a bit indistinct. "If you choose for yourself, then you made the right choice."
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"I hope so...I'm just- Im not-" He straightens up again, intent on saying something, anything more. Yet when he looks, his friend is nearly gone, a hue of bronze skin and bright emerald eyes and it fades along with the bar into white...which gives way to the black he's grown accustomed to. It's not until he wakes with tear tracks dried by his eyes that it occurs to him he didn't get a chance to say bye or that he missed him or any of the thousand things he should have said instead of selfishly focusing on his own guilt.
At least he has enough time in the twilight hour to put himself back together and bury the whole thing deep in his chest.