chrisisofaith | IC Contact

Then...he does feel something? Or at lest thinks he does, with that sort of reaction.
His fool heart.
His fool everything.

But he's right, Chris can't even trust himself to react how he'd want to normally, much less in a way that makes sense. The last thing he needs is to burst into tears over an admission of feelings once more. Then he might not remember how to stop. Besides, he'd rather have Hawke being honest and real with him, not careful or politic. Another time, but he can't leave him with nothing either, not when there's something.

He meets that wan smile with a small, softer, one of his own. "It is important, though. You're not wrong that now's not...best time for any of that. Not...I'd have me at my best for your fool heart. But do ask me about it later. I want to have the talk." Either to dispel the misplaced feeling or to encourage it, they'd just have to see.

It is important, though. Andraste's holy ashes, he wants to deny it. He wants to lie and scramble away in the same moment that he wants to scream it from the top of his lungs and it's no different than any other day only now it's in the open. Just a peek, maybe, but Chris knows he feels something and it's-

It's not the time.

It's absolutely not the time.

This is the right call. Logical, justified, and he will abide by it because the alternative is that his love becomes another wound.

He just wishes it hadn't come up at all, because now he doesn't know what to do with himself. Does Chris even want his contact anymore, until this is resolved? Would Hawke's presence just be too much, make him think of the hard conversation to come and not the healing to be done now?

That's up to Chris.

Perhaps it's a moment of clarity, or perhaps it's that Hawke is and will always be a friend first and anything else second, but he's not going to make that decision for him. He might have, once upon a time. He might have gotten up and said some sweet nothing about how they'll talk later and to rest and then only spoken through text for the next however long whether that was what Chris wanted or not. But while he doesn't want to lay more decisions at Chris' feet, it's far worse to abandon him. He would be here even if he was not in love. He would be here because a good friend - his best friend - needed him.

He lets out a slow breath, forcing it to be warm and not create any tell-tale condensation in the air. He doesn't reach to pull Chris back into an embrace but he does move one hand so the back of it lightly brushes Chris' knee. Unobtrusive, but present. He's been obtrusive enough.

"Alright. After Jon's out and things have been righted for awhile." 'Awhile' is too nondescript, he should give an actual timeframe, not too far out but not too near either. "By the start of next month, if you're ready then. It's not set in stone, if you aren't."

A time frame...helps. It's something to aim for, in a way. 'Be better by' even if he knows Hawke would give him time if he needed it past that. He couldn't honestly guess.

Hawke's hand brushes his knee and he stares at it a moment before taking the hand in his own. "If...it's not too much, will you sit with me still? Just..." He looks back behind him to the corner of the couch. "If you are, then sit there, for me?"

The way they'd been laying felt...too much right now, but he selfishly still wanted the contact and Wolfe's presence. It had always been a balm all its own and nothing was going to change that easily. "And don't just say yes cause you're Hawke and a nice person. Only if you're comfortable, I'll be fine if you're not."

Contrary to getting more keyed up at the request, Hawke instead relaxes somewhat. Chris lays on him all the time, this is normal and feels it. With a small smile, Hawke scoots into the corner of the couch, arranging himself to be a comfortable cushion. "I'm saying yes not because I'm a nice person, though thank you for saying so, but because I want to make sure you know I'm here because we're friends, not any other reason. I would still be here regardless."

It's a little rough on his heart, but not any worse than any time before, and it's fundementally a relief given what they've now got looming on the horizon. He hopes he'll make it long enough before talking. He thinks he can make it, if only by virtue of Chris needing him to wait. He can wait. He can be patient.

If the alternative is making Chris overwhelmed and possibly pushing him away, he can be patient.

"Now come here, it's cold."

He gives a small, acknowledging, hum and moves back to settle in against Wolfe, tucking himself in against his friend in a way that has him relaxing by degrees. Maybe he shouldn't be indulging in this for...all kinds of reasons, but Hawke was here and willing and Chris-

He needed this. A moment of normalcy, even if that weight he'd felt at the back of his head since yesterday still lingered at the edges.

"I hope, in the spirit of 'I'd be here regardless' you know that I do intend to show my very thorough appreciation for your attention and protection, once things are a little less hectic." He doesn't say it with the same sort of smirking innuendo he might normally, but does lean his head back a bit more on whatever part of Wolfe happens to be behind him.

"I'll make sure to clear my busy schedule." He settles back too, arms loosely by Chris' sides in a sort of proto embrace. He'll let Chris be as close or as far as he wishes and remain static himself for now. A solid frame to lean on.

He wants to kiss the top of Chris' head but refrains, unsure if that would be welcome with what they've just discussed or if it would be painfully awkward. Would that be something he would do normally, though? He's not sure. It's a little difficult to untangle the reasons for his behavior around Chris since his feelings for the cleric have been entangled for so long now. Maybe? He wants to think he would.

As a compromised, he rests his chin lightly against the back of Chris' head, not kissing but still a gesture of freely given intimacy. "Whenever you're ready."

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