chrisisofaith | IC Contact

[She lifts her head and takes a long, pointed drink of her soda, and smiles a bit.]

This isn't an angle. I wouldn't drug you, I promise.

The only thing that I'm going to is rile you up, and then dunk you in the ocean.

Certainly hope not, I’m picky about all things that get in my head.

[But he is eased a bit more.]

Alright…out of curiosity for method and general respect, you have my attention.

Talking about my missing boyfriend isn’t like to rile me up, however.

It's not an anger kind of rile up.

What are you going to miss most about him?

[He thinks on that a moment, a sigh making a quiet escape as he does.]

Bullying him into working on his poetry? Mmm...no...cooking with him. And trying to figure out baking with him. We weren't much good at it, but we had fun. Often bullied Jon into trying whatever we made, good or ill. I'd dance with him while we were waiting for the stove to do its work.

I'll miss the feeling of home. I know he wasn't soft or kindly inherent, but he was for me.

[She takes a drink, and she nods a little.]

Not the sex?

[He shrugs a shoulder.]

Sure, but...look, I loved him, but I didn't fall for him for the sex. Plenty of people who want me to tie them up and I do. It mattered more to me I could provide that for him and his head than the intimacy of the act itself. Besides, sex and domination is what I'm good at, something I can provide for others, I don't expect or need it provided back in the same way.

[She pauses a moment. She frowns a little, and okay, she's going to change topic.]

Chris.

Who takes care of you?

[Its his turn to pause and his brows press close together in his confusion.]

What do you mean? In what way? I’ve plenty of sex as I like, I assure you.

[She raises her eyebrows.]

Being a dom to everyone isn't emotionally healthy. Trust me when I say I know that.

[She pokes him, gently, on the leg.]

Who is taking care of you? Not just sexually. Who is letting your turn off, once in a while?

[What escapes him is a scoff, humorless and dry, but he quickly waves it away.]

Sorry. I know you’re right, it’s just…I’m a king. Job’s not so different.

[He just traded one for the other, hadn't he? Especially now that he was working at the Crucible. Though, now wasn’t the time to examine that thought too closely.]

But to your question: Jon does, on occasion. I’m his bird. Though sometimes, it’s less structured than that; a head in a lap goes a long way.

You can't pull that with me. I'm a queen. I know that life, too.

[She gives him a soft, gentle nudge, and her eyebrows come up.]

That's not enough. Jon can do a lot, I won't discount him. But you need someone who can take the weight off you.

[He nods and nudges back for that. Even field, then.]

I give him my signet ring and my holy symbol. He carries my weights for me for a time…and most importantly, he’s careful. To the point of being sweet and sometimes too cautious, I’ll grant, we’re not perfect, but he’d do anything not to hurt me while I’m vulnerable with him. And it helps in his confidence, which matters to me.

[He pauses and fiddles with the edge of the blanket.]

I can’t let go like that with nearly anyone, even ones I would trust with my safety in all other ways. I don’t know how.

[She considers that for a moment.]

What would that look like? You letting go.

[He gives that thought, though not for very long.]

Emptying my head. Relaxing. Not needing to be anything more than me for a bit. I get...static in my head. Too much emotion and thought tangled together to a mess I can hardly think through and for a time, only way to sort through it was pain. I started bar fights and let one or two get hits on me for it. I made use of the Arena here for the same. I've had others apply pain to me in the middle of sex with full consent. All of these things have been...frowned upon by many more than just Jon. That was part of how we found our way to his being my handler: his desire to offer me another route.

...why? What does it look like for you?

[She considers that a moment.]

I shift.

Emotions are easier, as a tiger. They're still there, but they're simpler, in a way. Needs are immediate. A nap. A meal. Sunshine. A swim. Play. It gives me space.

[That said.]

I think you need me. Not sexually. Not even how like Jon needs me. I think I can give you something Jon can't.

[He nods for her explanation, it was ostensibly a lot of the same reasons he liked being a ‘raven.’ Ravens didn’t need to think about their words. Ravens could be selfish without guilt. It was easier.

He needs to think of his words now, however, as his chest clenches and twists.]

I…don’t doubt you know your stuff. To a point, I suppose I would consider my trust for you higher than other dominants, since Jon trusts you with something I know makes him vulnerable.

But the answer’s still, respectfully, no. I don’t give control over me idly, if ever. I’ve only one dom for a reason.

[She smiles a little.]

That's fine.

Know the offer is there, okay?

[He nods but watches her a moment.]

I do. I’ll keep it in mind.

[There’s a small pause and he reaches for one of the snack foods she’d laid out, though he only takes a small bite.]

There might be something you can answer me that would lend to the…issue. If you’ll entertain me a moment more.

Shoot.

[She says it as she takes a drink, extending her legs out long.]

In the interest of being candid: I was warned you told someone you’re used to getting what you want. Whatever that might be.

When you approached me, I got the distinct impression you were after something. You told me gratitude…but the feeling’s not gone. So, I’ll ask once and then leave it from there: is there something specific you want of me? People don’t tend to do what you’re doing from nothing.

[Not without having slept with them.]

[She pauses, and looks over at him, and bursts into laughter.]

I mean.

Yes, I am used to getting what I want. Whatever that might be. You were warned.

[That gives her another moment, another laugh. She reaches down, and grips her own feet.]

I like you, Chris. I don't know how that's shocking. Even if you weren't someone Jon loved, even if you weren't important to someone I care about, I would have liked you. I know I'm a lawyer, but I'm not a sociopath. Even the ruthless among us want to have their friends be happy.

[He watches her a moment and then looks back out to the waves.]

Because I'm not the easiest person to be around, Daphne. You've just got me next to Jon and I look angelic. That and I'm crap at friends, always have been, so forgive if that's not my first thought to what someone's after.

Besides, the merchant class in my home is far worse than the lawyers, so your esteem is safe enough with me.

[He huffs a small sigh and runs his hand back through his hair.]

Do you want help taking this stuff back to your place?

You're not that bad.

[She says it and leans over, and presses a kiss to his temple.]

Sure. I'll forgive you a dunk.

IC Contact

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cw: discussion of improper use of pain/pain addiction

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