Lord Chris Sonom (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chrisisofaith) wrote2020-08-20 12:31 pm
chrisisofaith) wrote2020-08-20 12:31 pmIC Contact
UN: ravens
You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.
chrisisofaith) wrote2020-08-20 12:31 pm
UN: ravens
You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.
A letter dropped at his door
I hope this finds you well. I am not entirely sure how to start this, but I figured after the confusion of our last conversation, perhaps it would be better to write it out instead. I prefer the inkwell and paper anyway.
I am sorry for any of the confusion on my part. I have been trying to be more aware of others, of my relationship to them, in the midst of going through something equally vulnerable. I had only meant to extend that I would care about the things you would like doing, but realizing now that 'like' would be more complex and subjective.
Your response had felt in some way a rejection which is not something I am unused to, but given our history and what else is going on, perhaps opening up insecurities I have not yet dealt with. Which is why I wished to step away, not wishing to say something I would ever regret to say to you as one of my oldest and dearest friends here. I hope to not minimize your own experiences, who you are and what you do truly like. I never meant to extend anything different or change what we have established, because I have truly enjoyed all of my time with you.
So please forgive me for anything I might have said that was untoward.
Your friend,
Eloise
no subject
Dear Eloise,
I would like to offer my apologies as well. I believe you were caught in a momentary fear that I had that you were looking for more than what I could offer you. It is true that what I like is something that seems out of place in the context of yourself, but it was something I should have been able to talk to you about, at a minimum.
We all have our insecurities, especially those we do not wish to delve deeper into, but I have watched you grow into a formidable young woman. One I'm proud to know. I know also that you got there through your own perseverance and the support of many others around you. It was that thought in mind that made me question your desire to indulge with me any longer.
You deserve those who will show you intimacy and who might love you as the woman you are, and while I enjoy our intimacy and do love you in my way, it's not the same as others you could have. My thought was only that: that you ought spend time with those who would kneel at your alter and offer you fun without complication.
I hope that I have explained myself better.
Looking forward to your next reply,
C.S.
no subject
Thank you for taking the time to write me. Part of me was worried too much time had lapsed, but then I know this is delicate, and the city always makes use of our time as well. I was very glad to hear from you and your kind words about me being a formidable young woman. From you that means a lot.
I understand better now, I believe. I had taken your words as a rejection as I am still processing some of the perceptions that I have grown up with and attempting to unlearn them about myself and others. I do hope you realize that I care little for complexities and only for the character of a person that I wish to spend any time with let alone intimately. I understand and accept the nature of our relationship whatever may come with it, and I hope you do know that. You have been there for me in ways that others have not, nor could not, even if what I get from them is different from what perhaps is gained between you and I.
I do wish for you to know that I am happy. I have someone in my life that fulfills that connection and intimacy that I had never once expected from anyone-- nor even desired it. But it is from that I was reflecting more on my own nature in relationship that I have, and you have always been so attuned to me. When I reached out I merely wished to express that I had not considered to take the things that you like that we could perhaps one day explore. If you wished to. I realize now how muddled it all got, but I still enjoy your company, in and out of the bedroom.
Yours still,
E.
no subject
I must offer my apologies for implying I wished nothing more to do with you for that is not at all the truth and I should have made that more clear from the start. The truth is, more simply, that for being a politician, I am at times poor with my words. I had thought myself better through written word, but I still have much room to improve.
I'm glad you have someone close to your heart. As much as it can feel like being gutted for losing them, I maintain it makes the trials here easier to bear. I hope he takes care of you as you take care of him.
To your reflection, as you put it, it is not a conversation I am against having, if you would still like to. If, however, the door has closed on that topic, I will understand entirely. Either way, you have my friendship regardless.
-C.S
no subject
You cannot take all the blame for this one, I think, but I am glad the misunderstanding is behind us where it shall remain. I will take it as such, and see no reason to change how we have always been friends. If you would still have me in that capacity as well.
I am glad to have him, and it is something we have both spoken of. We agree more with you. It is better to have someone here, to attempt it at all. It is not a happy thought, but realistic. He has nothing to go home to, and I? Well, it is not as if I wish to return to a society that will continue to stifle me. If I must be here, I must seize every opportunity I have here.
I hope to see you again sometime soon.
Yours,
E.