chrisisofaith | IC Contact

[He shakes his head again, a crease forming between his brows.]

But I’m not certain their needs are being taken care of, least not from me. I said I try to remember or remind myself, not that I always succeed. And those two..well, I don’t know that I trust them to say anything. Kallian’s too forgiving and Ra’ah’s starved enough he’ll take whatever I give him.

Gods forbid anyone be fool enough to fall for me here; there’re much more useful fish in this sea.

[Nope. He doesn’t like the way they look, time to undo them.]

I didn't say you were meeting their needs, I said their needs were being met.

[ just floating that out there. ]

I can't stand being alone. Cyram is a cat and he roams. I am incredibly tactile. There are times Cyram can't stand being touched. I don't like sleeping alone; he doesn't sleep. I actively dislike most romantic gestures; he writes poetry.

Cyram wears a tracker in his dominant bracelet so I can find him should I need to and know that he is safe. We have a cat. We both have other relationships with people better suited to meeting specific needs.

I dare you to tell me we are bad at love.

[ Not angry or sharp just kind of exasperated.]

[No…that made sense. When he watched them in bed together, saying goodbye, even just being…bards together, they looked happy. They looked at him that way too and he still can’t imagine why. If what they need is each other, what in any hell is Chris providing?

But that wasn’t they were talking about, what was asked, so it sinks back down where it belongs. The confusion doesn’t completely fade, but he takes a moment to reach up and run a thumb over Crais’ cheek.]

Stop making sense, it isn’t fair.

[He sighs.]

I’d never say that, told you before it sounded good for you and it does.

Good. Now shall we talk about why you think you need to be a useful fish? [ That certainly doesn't involve making any sense, because what the frelling fuck. ] Or move on to how you aren't actively playing with my hair at this second and should be.

One of those I can fix.

[He says it with a smile, as much as part of him wants to run from that line of questioning.

His fingers work through the extra kinks his braiding had temporarily put in the strands and continues his hunt for tangles.]

We don’t have to talk about any of it, you know. We could talk about how pretty your hair is.

We can talk about how pretty my hair is. I'm very fond of it.

[ He also closes his eyes in utter contentment having it played with, and doesn't bother telling Chris he lets very few people so much as touch it. ]

I really do not understand the fish comment, though.

Do you leave it down very often?

[He can do both, right? Like some weird version of twenty questions.]

And do you know the saying ‘there are other fish in the sea?’

I never leave it down. I think there are three people in this city who have even seen it down.

[ One is Chris, one is Cyram and the other is ...Ephemera. He thinks. Anyway. ]

I've also never heard that saying. What does it actually mean?

Then I’m honored.

[Truly.]

It’s meant as something to say when you don’t get with the person you want. Like trying to catch a fish, if you miss it, then there’re other fish to be found. That sorta thing.

All right.

[Easily enough that one but- ]

What does useful have to do with it?

[Why’d he ever open his mouth to any of this? Now he’s just lost the thread of it himself.]

I just mean there’s a whole arrangement of people from every stripe of world. I would hope none would fall for the likes of me when there’s plenty else who can see to their needs better.

[He’d had Lux here. He loved Lux and he knew Lux had loved him, but he’d been a sex demon, progenitor of lust and near-on god. He hadn’t needed anything from Chris from the start.]

There's a happy arrangement for people of every sort... except you?

[ Chris. What? ]

[He shakes his head again and decidedly doesn't look at Crais, just his hair.]

No, that's not... [There's that choking feeling in the back of his throat that suffocates his words.]

I've...I had.

[Gods dammit. He swallows around nothing and pushes through other words, a different track to keep moving.]

Forget it. It's not important leastways, not a problem to worry about until it is, so don't mind it.

All right.

[ He does move on because he can read both the... discomfort and he was told to. ]

How much of the food here have you had opportunity to experiment with?

[His next breath is a little easier and there's a small rush of gratitude towards Crais for actually letting it go. He need to fold that part of him back into place.]

Ah...mostly stick to what I can recognize from home, but I've tried a whole array of whatever Nate called 'junk food' for a time. Almost all of it made me sick, but pizza's nice and...ah...something to do with noodles. And spicy noodles! Thos're nice.

[Spicy anything is nice, he's found.]

Cheese and I don't get along. I think it's something to do with being entirely unfamiliar to me.

[ He's just going to be completely relaxed and chat casually. Gear shift and direction change? Complete. No guilt, not awkward, just doing that thing. ]

I take it produce isn't something you lack at home, then?

No. It's not exactly native, soil of Melvaunt's always been shite, but we had importing agreements with neighboring powers. Some produce was cheaper or easier to get than others but...well, I never had much concern for that myself.

Why's cheese weird to you? No cows or milk on your space whales?

Livestock or farming would be hard inside a space whale. [ He's just going with it. ] The bigger, entirely mechanical ships were easier to source fresh food from but milk is still not something eaten by anyone who's been weaned. I think it just missed us culturally.

You feel better?

Huh. [Its still weird to think any sort of ship could keep fresh food for long, but then maybe they had a bunch of those refrigerators.

The question earns a small crease of confusion in Chris’s brow.]

I feel fine. Felt fine.

[Oh-]

That wasn’t distress or upset. Aside maybe frustration, just…me. Said I was bad at words? That’s how I mean.

[ This is absolutely the wrong thing to be confused by, but he sincerely is. He makes it a statement instead of a question, though. ]

I'm more distressed by frustration than almost anything else I can think of.

Aah...well, there we differ a bit. Frustration just means I work harder or smarter. If I got distressed every time I was frustrated in my life, wouldn't get far for nothing.

What's your go-to when you feel like that?

My go to when... I'm frustrated?

I yell at what's frustrating me.

[ He is neither complicated nor usually particularly nuanced. ]

[He can't help it, he laughs.]

So easy as that? Want to trade? If I yell at what's frustrating me, might cause a diplomatic incident.

[Or, almost worse, make Silver get that sadly disappointed look that both made Chris feel bad and deeply irritated him.]

[ He looks up at Chris with unabashed and undisguised horror. ]

Absolutely not!

No? Ah well, worth a shot.

[He switches from stroking through Crais' hair to massaging lightly at his scalp.]

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