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[chrisisofaith]

UN: ravens

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un: chartophyle; text

[compellingstatement]

I need to tell you about something that happened last week.
Two somethings.
But I wanted to check you're feeling all right.
I know you were having trouble remembering things.
Getting irritable.

[Let's start with Chris' mental state, then move onto Jon's sins.]

[chrisisofaith]

[Something(s) that happened last week? Something that Jon hadn’t told him about immediately…

Not the most confident of starts, but text could spare the caution he was feeling.]

Im fine. Been hearing a voice, but whatever got in my head like before hasn’t come back.

So tell me what you’ve avoided saying until now.

[compellingstatement]

Wait.
You're still hearing voices?

[chrisisofaith]

No
Are you?

[compellingstatement]

No.
Who were you hearing?

[chrisisofaith]

Bane
What happened last week, Jonathan?

[compellingstatement]

[Jon can't help wincing at the tone inherent in that question.]

I took a Statement from someone.
Two Statements from different people.
I'm going to fix it.
I've already been to the Repair Shop in Insincerity.
I've agreed to the two prices.

[chrisisofaith]

[There’s a distinct pause as Chris processes…all of that. The implications of them. He has more than one question, but…]

Alright
Let’s start with the easy part:
What are the prices?

[Might as well start with knowing how mad he needs to be.]

[compellingstatement]

I have to work in a customer-facing position in a sex club for a week.
I've already worked that out with Amelia.
I'm going to book people in for private appointments at the Crucible.

The other is a sex thing.
Not as bad as what they wanted for Jamie.
I was hoping you might be able to help me with it.

[chrisisofaith]

[There’s an odd moment where his small sigh of relief is choked with a snort of amusement. Jon? At the Crucible?
Oh how will he be able to behave from teasing his partner with that one? He won’t.

Though it would provide Jon perhaps a clearer picture of Chris’ work life than either of them necessarily wanted.]

I won’t even lie and pretend I won’t give you a hard time for that first one.
I want details on the second, but whatever it is: yes.

Before that, though: what happened, love? You’ve been so good with your control. Did you hear someone pushing you to it?

[compellingstatement]

[There's no righteous anger, which is both a relief and something that makes his skin crawl a little bit.]

That's the point.
I have been good.
Good enough that people apart from you seem to forget what I am.
Or think it's nothing to be afraid of.
And I've used that.
Unintentional or not.
I have a wider network of allies here than I ever did at home.
It's not... warranted.
I'm getting complacent thinking I have it under control.
Forgetting what I am.

I heard Elias' voice.
He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.
It was just... easier to do it.
Tomoe and Wrathion won't ever make the mistake of trusting me again.
No one should.

[chrisisofaith]

Bullshit
I’ll not deny you hurt them, nor that there shouldn’t be consequences.
But you aren’t some unfeeling thing undeserving of friends. That is Elias
And your guilt.

They won’t make the mistake of leaving their guard down again, but neither should you, my love. Elias is a poison just for you, real or not.

[compellingstatement]

How else am I supposed to convince people that I'm dangerous, though?
To not let their guard down.
I'll tell them that and then they'll look at me and think I'm lying or just being dramatic.
I can't really be that bad.
Or they're powerful, themselves, so they dismiss anything I can do, thinking their own powers are enough to protect them.
And sometimes they're right.
But sometimes they're not.
That's half the problem with this place.
My powers aren't consistent like they ought to be.
If I could compel every person to prove my point, maybe they'd understand.

[chrisisofaith]

But you wouldn’t.
You don’t want to be a monster just because you have to be.

Monster, not monstrous.

All monsters slip. At least we can close the wounds and leave scars to remember.

[compellingstatement]

Is it kinder to let everyone else think they're safe?
For them to rely on my self-control?
What if we do escape to Faerun?
What if the Ceaseless Watcher follows me there?
There's no 'undo' button there.
Not like there is here.

[chrisisofaith]

What’s the alternative? Walking around like a threat to scare them?
Using fear like a SIN guard

[He types out ‘in faerun, you’ll be mine. My problem and my charge both and we’ll handle it’ then looks over the words again.
His stomach twists and he deletes the words.]

In Faerun, we’ll have other measures, other options if the Ceaseless Watcher is strong enough to carve out its own place. Magic is real back home, it won’t have dealt with that before.

[compellingstatement]

[The idea of being anything like a SIN guard leaves Jon feeling vaguely ill.]

Or just not interacting?

[He's already a recluse in some ways, but he could go all in.]

I could just watch.
Deal with whatever the city throws at us and go back into hiding after.

[chrisisofaith]

No. The parts of you still Jonathan Sims needs people, even if he pretends he doesn’t like it.

I won’t let you hurt yourself like that.

Though I’ll compromise with a week in after your week at the Crucible, if you’re still feeling reclusive.

[compellingstatement]

[The stubborn and prideful part of him rears momentarily. Who is Chris Sonom to decide that for him? They're boyfriends, he loves the man, but he's not... Jon doesn't want Chris just feel like he has to be a keeper for a wayward, eldritch pet. Tim's accusation rings in his ears from the experiment. He'd called Jon Elias' pet for maybe wanting to take lessons with him.

Chris is not Elias, though.]

We'll see.
I'm meant to be on my 'best behavior.'

[chrisisofaith]

Your best behavior for you or for the shop or for the city?

[compellingstatement]

Whatever is going to satisfy Amelia.
The shop just said I had to do it.
They didn't specify I do it well.

[chrisisofaith]

[… he was going to ask about this sex act next…but the mental image of Jon trying to do his job poorly in front of Amelia was…]

Oh, if you don’t want to entertain that little degradation kink you’ve got, you’ll do it as well as you can.

Amelia will strip you down with words as readily as Daphne ever did and likely be less affectionate in it.

I might like you being a brat, she will not, I suspect.

[compellingstatement]

[Color sears across his cheeks.]

I do not have a degradation kink.

[chrisisofaith]

You absolutely do.

What’s this sex act we need to do?

[compellingstatement]

[It would be childish to type back, 'You're the one with a kink,' but it is ever so tempting.]

I've never once told anyone I like them degrading me.

[Proof!]

The act is stupid.
I'm meant to do oral sex.
Under a desk.
While the other person sits at the desk.

[...]

And I'm meant to do it until they come off.
There's also... things.
A thing.
With a lock.
You'd put it on me and take it off when you're '''''satisfied.'''''