chrisisofaith | IC Contact

I won't promise to take any advice, but tell me what you're thinking.

You don't have to, It's not like I'm a dad myself and never had much of a father figure in my life

But If I had a wish for my own, I'd wish he'd been around enough and patient enough to help when I needed. To listen, but not coddle.

It's not like it was his fault he wasn't, but still.

I actually chose not to have children with Jean because I didn't want to repeat my father's glaring mistake.

I killed my actual 'father-figure'.

It's complicated but I'm not likely to run away and leave Nate.

Hey I'm no judge to that. I decided against kids myself cause I wasn't raised by proper parents, who's to say I'd be any good? Besides, didn't want any little ones of mine tossed off to be raised by others because I got myself killed by enemies or whatever.
Life likes its little cycles.

Worst my mother-figure ever did was be disappointed I was a boy, but that's not her fault.

For what it's worth, I think you've got enough in you to not suck at it, at least.

Sound reasoning.

What do you mean it's not her fault she was disappointed you're a boy?

Long story

Summarize?

[…]

She spent 13 years raising a little girl. And then she wasn’t.

I cannot come up with a better way of asking this:

Is this 'I'm trans', where the inside didn't match the outside and she just didn't catch on, or your consciousness getting moved/a curse/some outside force acting upon you thing?

Edited 2022-06-04 14:44 (UTC)

Considering all the shite you’ve ever told me? That’s a fair question.

She didn’t catch on. Which, to be fair, neither did I until then; I had no reference.

You know it can be an understandable reaction and still be one she's responsible for and unfair to you, right?

It gets messier the more you press at it, Scott

I know her reaction’s valid and that it was also my choice to do something about it

Everything does, and I'm not pressing on it.
I'm telling you not to make her emotions your problem.

Shes the closest thing I have to a mom

I didn't tell you not to love her.

I do!
And I don’t doubt she still does

You can be disappointed in someone and still love them

How old were you when she took you in?

Technically, it was the brothel mother, but Kayt was her right hand and took over raising me. I was four.

Charles took me in when I was about 16. Close to an adult. The last thing I clearly remember him saying to me was, summarized, that he was disappointed in me and my failure was his fault. Then some kind of threat around it and i killed him.

It isn't actually important except in this : Whatever she feels about you, you have a lot to be proud of.

What a shitty thing to say.
I'm sorry you killed him, though if there was a threat

I know that, at least. My success or mine as much as my failures, she and Ivaline gave me the tools it's my choice what I do with them.
I just wish I didn't feel like she doesn't know what to do with me anymore.
I don't need her in my life, but I want her there

I don't know. it's nothing that matters here.

No. It was a fair thing to say - stupid, and not his responsibility overall, but fair.

I'm not sure not knowing what to do with you equates to being disappointed in you.
I'm not sure it doesn't. If she's still around, though, that means she wants to be there, too.

I meant it was shitty cause it's not his responsibility and he shouldn't be taking ownership of you like that

She's disappointed I'm not a girl, I don't know how far that translates to being disappointed in me over all. She hasn't exactly said she's proud of me either.
But, thank you. I do know she could easily have stopped having anything to do with me several times over.

That's what makes it fair - there was no me left before him. My memories before I ran are... patchy and bad. I don't even know with any certainty what was real and what wasn't - my memories and mind were being played with continually, I don't think I'll ever be entirely sure what was real as opposed to just suspect and filled in.

After I ran I was with another guy for a little while. Charles tracked me down with some help from the FBI due to the nature of crimes I was helping him commit. I don't remember a whole hell of a lot of that, either, but I do remember killing that guy.

Charles effectively created me from... nothing. He built a team and put me in charge of it because it kept me alive.

He just failed to realize 'responsible for mutants' was, someday, going to overpower... believing completely that his way was the right way. Disappointed was fair. Telling me while possessed by something as powerful as Phoenix... stupid..

[...]

Alright, I see your point. I still don't think it's fair. Maybe he helped make you but you've got a brain, Scott, I know you thought your own thoughts in that time after he helped you, even if they were colored.

Him claiming your failures is not different than claiming your successes. They're both yours. He just gave you the tools.

Even if there wasn't much a you before him, there sure has been since.

It depends on the day.

And I didn't say he was right. He's been wrong about a lot of things. I get the disappointment. He was still wrong.

(no subject)

chrisisofaith - 2022-06-05 20:59 (UTC) - Expand