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[chrisisofaith]

UN: ravens

You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.

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[chrisisofaith]

[Okay, he can take a little pity..if only because, more often than not, the times he's told someone he's loved them have come with him crying and trying to convince them not to love him back in the same breath, so...]

From one mess to another, I promise you no one knows what they're doing. I doubt Hawke knows what he's doing.

So you continue on as you were with more readily available kisses and see where things go.

[rogueinladysclothing]

[That... helps. A little. Amelia's still very flustered right now.]

I'm not certain you understand how terrifying this is for me. I've worked to be alone my entire adult life. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to have feelings and he wasn't

[Deep breaths. Dreams, why must this be so hard?]

I'm sorry. Wolfe has heard all of this. I don't need to repeat it to you.

I don't want to fuck this up. He's a good man and I truly love him. Hurting him would be... beyond a travesty in my eyes.

[chrisisofaith]

I think I understand perfectly.

I wasn't made for this
I'm meant for other things
I could be a danger to him
I'll only snare him down
What if I ruin his life? What if he's making a mistake?
Have I tricked him into thinking he wants this?

I'm sure there's plenty more, I could go on, but tell me if I'm off my mark

[rogueinladysclothing]

[...sigh.]

You know you're on it.

But you forgot to add that I will hurt him. That's inevitable here. I've told him as much.

[chrisisofaith]

Of course you will. Not because you're you but because two people being intimate with each other will hurt each other.

It's what you do when it happens that matters, not the if.

[rogueinladysclothing]

How is that different? I don't want to do that at all. He deserves better than someone who loves him hurting him in the first place.

[Can he see her thoughts spiraling? She certainly feels it right now.]

[chrisisofaith]

No one wants to do that. And maybe he deserves someone who won't hurt him but that person doesn't exist. You're caught on a notion that love is clean and simple when it's as messy as hate or anger.

[She's panicking, isn't she? He feels like he can hear it.]

Amelia. Take a breath. Count in five and out four. Tell me when you've done this.

[rogueinladysclothing]

You absolute ass. I'm fine. I don't need to do your breathing exercise because I'm right. I know love isn't simple, but I don't believe for a single second that he doesn't deserve better than someone who will knowingly hurt him at some point!

[No breathing, but there is a yell across the patio off the back of the house that helps.]

I'm not about to run or do anything rash, but believe me when I tell you this will always be a worry of mine.

[chrisisofaith]

You're not making your case for someone thinking rationally

[rogueinladysclothing]

FINE. I'll do the damned breathing.

[She's not happy about it, but she does it. She's even more unhappy that it works.

Don't you dare say 'I told you so' about this.

[chrisisofaith]

[He does not, in fact. Just a single question.]

Do you trust him?

[rogueinladysclothing]

[It's an easy one to answer.]

With my life.

[chrisisofaith]

Do you respect him?

[rogueinladysclothing]

I do. Completely.

[Not that she's showing it well right now.]

[chrisisofaith]

Then trust his judgement.
If you wouldn't question him otherwise, don't start with your own self-recriminating doubts.

He's foolish at times, but he's not so reckless with his own heart. He'll fight with you and support you and check you. He may very well hurt you, but if you trust each other and respect each other, you'll figure it out, fix it, and get stronger for it.

Relationships are about building yourselves stronger together.

[rogueinladysclothing]

[She's going to need a few minutes to read that over and over - as well as to collapse into a corner and sob about it - before she can answer.]

That how it's supposed to work? I've not seen it happen in front of me.

[She can't remember her parents' relationship enough to know if it's true.]

[chrisisofaith]

[Neither has he. His own first relationship was...complicated. It wasn't until he saw Chastity and Amnos that he knew his expectations to be true. She didn't need to know that, though.]

Then find out for yourself. Even if it scares you to the bone.

[rogueinladysclothing]

[You're not helping me with this.

She almost hits send on the message, but manages to think better of it. Lashing out won't help.]

I'll try.

[She's going to fail. She knows it. But she owes it to Wolfe to try.

There's a few minutes of silence between her messages. It had been her intention to force Chris into a conversation about their time in the park today, but after all this... It can wait until he's free.]

You and I have other matters to discuss once this is over. I'm certain you know that I mean.

In person, though. I'll need to give you back the apron.

[chrisisofaith]

As you like.

I'm sure we can meet to talk once I'm out of the People Zoo in general, Kyle won't restrict my movements.

I'll let you know and we can find a time. Unfortunately, next I have to tell Grayson.

[rogueinladysclothing]

Let me know when you're free and we'll speak then.

Good luck with Grayson. I'll leave you to it.

Stay safe, Chris.

[chrisisofaith]

Of course.

[The next day, he goes to the People Zoo. He sends a single message to her that Tim is on his way for Martin and then nothing else for eighteen long hours.]

[rogueinladysclothing]

[Chris gets several messages after that last one about Martin. First an hour later asking for an update. Then two hours after that asking for an update again. After that, the messages are sporadically sent around her work at The Crucible. She obviously hasn't slept by the time the next message arrives.]

We're far outside the window of time I'm willing to patiently wait for an answer. I know Martin is with Tim, and you've still not said a damn word to me.

If you say nothing to me for the next thirty minutes, I will put on every bit of armor I have, every weapon I can carry, and I will make someone at the fucking Zoo talk to me until I know where you are.

[chrisisofaith]

[It's a struggle to respond to her by the time he actually checks his phone. Hot water and sleep have done what they can and the curl of Jacob's arms have left him fuzzy...but once he sees her message, it's like lightning through him. When did she send that? What time- ten minutes to spare to her ultimatum and Chris types as quickly as he can.]

Don't

[Gods, if she went there and asked around, what would they tell her? Who bought him? The fight? Everything?

Probably not. He suspected that was not something they'd be boasting about outside of their friends. Still...]

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to leave it that long.
I'm safe now.

[rogueinladysclothing]

[She said thirty and and that meant she was leaving in thirty minutes, so his message comes with just enough time to keep her from bashing her way through everyone at the Zoo for answers.]

What happened? Who took you in? Do you need anything?

[If he says anything worrying, she's going out anyway. He can't stop her.]

[chrisisofaith]

Jacob took me in. His dom bought me.

I need you not to go to the People Zoo and ask them anything. Leave it.
Please