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[chrisisofaith]

UN: ravens

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cw: a whole bunch of existential dread

[compellingstatement]

I expect I've outlived my double by this point, if that's the case.
I don't think about that particular option much.
More the one where there are parallel universes, very similar to one another.
And in the one I was in, I've left Martin entirely alone in the middle of an apocalyptic hellscape.
He might be favored enough by the Eye not to end up in one of the Fear domains immediately.
But it's likely a matter of time.
Or he'll have faded into a shell of the man I once knew and loved.
Another avatar sucking the life out of his victims in his own domain.
Surrounded by people and entirely alone.

cw: continued

[chrisisofaith]

[That…was the worse option. He’s still not certain he’s even alive back home, but if there’s an alternate world now where, in the arms of death, he simply vanished?

It wouldn’t be as bad as Jon’s version of things for his people, but they would grieve. Maybe he wouldn’t even have a home to go back to, moved on as it would be.]

If that is the case, then we’ll save him. As best as we can. Before we go back to my world, we’re stopping in yours to set things right, one way or the other.

Though, if you’re right, my home would be different as well. Not my world, but our place in it.

We’ll have to find out, cause I also don’t relish popping back into the wrong version where I never left and causing a mess of issues there as well

[compellingstatement]

I don't know how we'd control that.
I suppose if we got hold of whatever's bringing us here.
Magic or machine, neither of those are going to be my particular expertise.

[Which is frustrating. But also... he can't really learn about the relevant magic without knowing what it is, and technology is so broad, it would be like trying to teach himself to become a generalized mechanic. In which case, he wouldn't likely be skilled enough to be of much use.]

Honestly, I just feel so helpless.
And devoting myself to one random field of study only to find out it's irrelevant puts rather a damper on my enthusiasm for a new subject.
Especially if I'm not interested in it to begin with beyond its utility.

[chrisisofaith]

So long as we could break whatever's stopping me from using Gate, our items from home should get us to the right worlds, though I don't know what sort of time will have passed.

I certainly hope we don't pop back to my world exactly when I last remember, that might be complicated. Meantime, we don't need you to be an expert, just your usual observant self.
And to keep hold of that glasses chain of yours.
Even if you finally decide to stop pretending you need glasses someday.

[compellingstatement]

[There's a long pause in Jon's response.]

When, exactly, did you notice the lenses weren't prescription?
And why didn't you say anything then?

[chrisisofaith]

Oh a while back. Months at least.
And cause I figured it was like a safety blanket for you. Something to make you feel better.

[...]

Or is it cause you think it makes you look older?
More distinguished, maybe?
I see now

[compellingstatement]

I don't need a 'safety blanket.'
I'm not a child.

[Nevermind when Chris gives Jon his bracelet to fiddle with. Or accommodates other stupid ticks and sensitivities.]

They're a habit, nothing more.
I started wearing them at university.

[To look older. And more intelligent.]

[chrisisofaith]

Everyone has a safety blanket, something that makes them feel better.
Mine’s a prickly and short man who wears glasses he doesn’t need.

And if it was a ‘habit’ then did you really need them to start? Were they always just for show?

I’ll tease you less if you tell me the truth

[compellingstatement]

How would you even know if I was lying over text?

[chrisisofaith]

Because I don’t need to Know things to know you
Just as I know you hate and love that I do.

I know a lot of things about you

[compellingstatement]

Glasses are a perfectly legitimate accessory.
People wear bracelets and rings.
Why not glasses?

[chrisisofaith]

You dig deeper the more embarrassed you feel you should be
It’s endearing

[compellingstatement]

Is this supposed to be teasing me less?

[chrisisofaith]

I said I’d tease you less if you told the truth, but you’re just digging up more deflections!

[compellingstatement]

Fine.
I wore them as a fashion accessory.

[chrisisofaith]

To make you look more learned
I understand
And it does make you seem very distinguished at first. I’m very fond of your glasses.
Another reason not to lose them or the chain

[compellingstatement]

‘At first’?

[chrisisofaith]

You have many many charms my love

Now, shall we talk about what you don’t actually want to talk about?

How you’re feeling with two rather close friends gone. What I can do for you tonight to ease your heart

What we’re going to do the next time guilt eats at you and you need a firm hand to set the course once more

[compellingstatement]

I don’t need a dom.

[There’s a lot to address in Chris’ message, but that’s the first thing that catches his eye.]

I had coping mechanisms before Duplicity that didn’t involve that.
I’ll just turn back to those.

[Were they healthy? Not especially. But they existed.]

For tonight, I was planning on working through.
There’s an interesting statement I’m researching.
Might take a while.
It’s fine.
Enjoy the evening with Wolfe.

[chrisisofaith]

You need an outlet

And you don’t get to tell me I’m not to start fights to get punched or find risky partners and then turn my hand away when I know you’re just as prone to harmful habits

[Hes just going to ignore the rest of that for now. What ‘tonight’ looks like will depend entirely on the rest of this conversation.]

[compellingstatement]

Why can’t work be my outlet?

[He doesn’t mean that to sound petulant…]

Look, I rely on you for so much already.
Do you even want something like that?
Honestly.
I know you said you can put on the coat and take it off again.
But I thought you didn’t want us crossing wires like that.
Not so formally when I’m meant to be the outlet for you when you need to just be my bird and relax.

[chrisisofaith]

It can be to a degree, but I like to see you sometimes too


I know we talked about that early on. I was worried about it then, but I think we’ve found a way to balance. To make that separation in our minds, what of it we don’t already blur. There’s more trust and experience between us now. Our communication is better.
I want to help you, I want to be your support, whatever we choose for that to look like for us. I know you can support me back too, promise it won’t undermine that.

[compellingstatement]

I had a rule with Daphne to keep from blurring lines between that relationship and our friendship.
She wouldn’t try to dominate me with things like orders or discipline unless we’d explicitly started a scene.
If you’re really interested in trying this, I’d ask the same for you.
I’m not interested in a lifestyle sort of thing.

[No more than what he already lets Chris get away with.]

What would your stipulations be?

[chrisisofaith]

Of course. I've no interest in a non-consensual scene. While I might suggest one if I notice you're tense and might benefit, it wouldn't happen without your say, just as I would expect of you. Besides, we seem to do alright with some structure and no specific scene more often than not and I'll always start there.

I would ask that, if you feel I'm over-stepping, you talk to me instead of shutting it away or doubting your own discomfort. I'm not always best at realizing that's how it sounds and I would rather know it.

We should also have a proper talk on expectations and limitations, this is a different sort of scene than just taking you from your head for peace. There's different mindsets.

One last thing: There's constructive and destructive pain and discipline and the moment that line blurs is the moment we stop and revaluate. I want to help you, not become a different bad habit. Which brings the last point, one I know you worry about: if this layer begins to adversely affect our relationship, just us as us, we'll talk and find something else.
Okay?

[compellingstatement]

[Uncertainty does wend its way through him. Even if he lets Chris sort of dom him sometimes, making it something more formal with discipline is… different. He chews at his lip for a moment. Trying doesn’t mean they have to continue.]

Okay.




Did you want me to fill in that form I brought when we were negotiating for pet play?
If we’re going to talk about limits and expectations.