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[chrisisofaith]

UN: ravens

You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.

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[chrisisofaith]

[He had no opinions on mercenaries or mercenary work in general, but a whole group like that, one that could even conscript? That was a private army waiting to happen and, by the sounds of it, did.

Terrifying in concept, especially when he can just picture how a city like Mulmaster or Zenethil might use such a thing..

He shakes his head.]

I hate that. Sorry it happened to you both.

[notleavingquietly]

I appreciate the compassion and sense behind that statement, but it's a system tens of thousands of years old and while I didn't enjoy it, it was also completely normal while I was within it and if I'm traumatized I haven't noticed.

[ He does however recognize that it's terrible, but also he's dead. ]

Eat. We can go cuddle or something when we've finished.

[chrisisofaith]

[There’s, honestly, plenty of sense in that. It was similar to how he felt about the assassination of his family. Plenty were angry for him. He didn’t remember them or the event, it wasn’t his trauma.]

I hear you. Not worried for it so much as the thought scares me, but you’re right: it is what it is, and what it isn’t is here.

[But he’ll turn back to his food. It affords him a chance to figure out the emotions for what he needs to say. At least he doesn’t feel the need to pick his words carefully with Crais.]

I’m not a great cuddler unless it’s after sex or going to bed, but I can try.

Though, if you’re into having your hair pet, my lap makes an excellent pillow.

[notleavingquietly]

[ He really likes Chris.

He really really likes Chris. ]

I want to sit down and I like physical contact. You can pet my hair or we can forego the contact. The part I'm determined about is sitting on an upholstered surface.

[chrisisofaith]

[Chris laughs, bright and not unlike a bark, but earnest. There was what made Crais so endearing and why Chris had been willing to try and cuddle until his inevitable fidgeting discomfort rolled up.]

What, counter’s not good enough for you? Fine, couch it’ll be, but I want at your hair for a bit. It’s relaxing.

[And, with that, he will finish up his food.]

[notleavingquietly]

Some of us are less inclined to perching.

[Tease about the bird and wings? Yes. But he puts all their dishes in the sink and then heads into the living room, working on getting his ponytail unwrapped so he can take it down for Chris.]

Can you elaborate on the not being a fan of cuddling, so I can avoid anything similar in the future?

[chrisisofaith]

[If Chris looks like he’s preening a bit under the tease, it’s cause he is. He does perch.

He follows Crais to the living room and takes one side of the couch to give as much room for stretching out as possible.]

I can try. Not always good at words. You’re a little easier for my head, though.

[He pats his lap. Doing something with his hands will help.

Once he can get his fingers into Crais’ hair, he picks through the feeling as carefully as the strands.]

It’s..not that I don’t like it or can’t do it, not even that I can’t sit still when I want to, but physical affection’s always been…harder’n it should be. Not sex, mind, that’s easy, but holding hands, hugs, cuddling, the like.

[He smiles to himself, but there’s some sadness to it.]

I’ve got..two beautiful men back home, love ‘em dearly but I…forget to say it. Forget to take their hands, kiss ‘em goodnight or goodbye. I have to remind myself it’s what they want. They do it as easy as breathing, but when they want to hold me, it’s like a vibration starts under my skin and eventually it’s too much.

[He shakes his head, focus fully on the hair in his hands.]

Dunno why, I’m just bad at love and affection. Luckily, they’ve got each other for it too, for when I forget.

[notleavingquietly]

[ Crais is not particularly tall and has no intention of putting his feet on the couch, anyway, so there's plenty of room for him to use Chris' lap as a pillow and have his ankles and feet just off the end and over the arm.

His hair is surprisingly fluffy. It's also curly and fine and prone to tangling, so the care is appreciated.

Crais listens to all of that without a change in expression until near the end and then-]

That made perfectly good sense, except 'bad at love'.

[chrisisofaith]

[Now Chris is confused, but it doesn’t stop him from working small braids into Crais’ hair. Nothing fancy.]

What’d you mean? If I can’t express what I’m feeling, generally means I’m bad for it, to my mind.

[notleavingquietly]

[ He may have a minor concern about what is being done to his hair but he isn't interested in stopping the conversation to investigate. ]

It's an emotion and you made sure their needs were met. I'm not sure how you can be bad at an emotion or how not ensuring that their needs were met, as well as your own, is a lack of expression of it.

[chrisisofaith]

[He shakes his head again, a crease forming between his brows.]

But I’m not certain their needs are being taken care of, least not from me. I said I try to remember or remind myself, not that I always succeed. And those two..well, I don’t know that I trust them to say anything. Kallian’s too forgiving and Ra’ah’s starved enough he’ll take whatever I give him.

Gods forbid anyone be fool enough to fall for me here; there’re much more useful fish in this sea.

[Nope. He doesn’t like the way they look, time to undo them.]

[notleavingquietly]

I didn't say you were meeting their needs, I said their needs were being met.

[ just floating that out there. ]

I can't stand being alone. Cyram is a cat and he roams. I am incredibly tactile. There are times Cyram can't stand being touched. I don't like sleeping alone; he doesn't sleep. I actively dislike most romantic gestures; he writes poetry.

Cyram wears a tracker in his dominant bracelet so I can find him should I need to and know that he is safe. We have a cat. We both have other relationships with people better suited to meeting specific needs.

I dare you to tell me we are bad at love.

[ Not angry or sharp just kind of exasperated.]

[chrisisofaith]

[No…that made sense. When he watched them in bed together, saying goodbye, even just being…bards together, they looked happy. They looked at him that way too and he still can’t imagine why. If what they need is each other, what in any hell is Chris providing?

But that wasn’t they were talking about, what was asked, so it sinks back down where it belongs. The confusion doesn’t completely fade, but he takes a moment to reach up and run a thumb over Crais’ cheek.]

Stop making sense, it isn’t fair.

[He sighs.]

I’d never say that, told you before it sounded good for you and it does.

[notleavingquietly]

Good. Now shall we talk about why you think you need to be a useful fish? [ That certainly doesn't involve making any sense, because what the frelling fuck. ] Or move on to how you aren't actively playing with my hair at this second and should be.

[chrisisofaith]

One of those I can fix.

[He says it with a smile, as much as part of him wants to run from that line of questioning.

His fingers work through the extra kinks his braiding had temporarily put in the strands and continues his hunt for tangles.]

We don’t have to talk about any of it, you know. We could talk about how pretty your hair is.

[notleavingquietly]

We can talk about how pretty my hair is. I'm very fond of it.

[ He also closes his eyes in utter contentment having it played with, and doesn't bother telling Chris he lets very few people so much as touch it. ]

I really do not understand the fish comment, though.

[chrisisofaith]

Do you leave it down very often?

[He can do both, right? Like some weird version of twenty questions.]

And do you know the saying ‘there are other fish in the sea?’

[notleavingquietly]

I never leave it down. I think there are three people in this city who have even seen it down.

[ One is Chris, one is Cyram and the other is ...Ephemera. He thinks. Anyway. ]

I've also never heard that saying. What does it actually mean?

[chrisisofaith]

Then I’m honored.

[Truly.]

It’s meant as something to say when you don’t get with the person you want. Like trying to catch a fish, if you miss it, then there’re other fish to be found. That sorta thing.

[notleavingquietly]

All right.

[Easily enough that one but- ]

What does useful have to do with it?

[chrisisofaith]

[Why’d he ever open his mouth to any of this? Now he’s just lost the thread of it himself.]

I just mean there’s a whole arrangement of people from every stripe of world. I would hope none would fall for the likes of me when there’s plenty else who can see to their needs better.

[He’d had Lux here. He loved Lux and he knew Lux had loved him, but he’d been a sex demon, progenitor of lust and near-on god. He hadn’t needed anything from Chris from the start.]

[notleavingquietly]

There's a happy arrangement for people of every sort... except you?

[ Chris. What? ]

[chrisisofaith]

[He shakes his head again and decidedly doesn't look at Crais, just his hair.]

No, that's not... [There's that choking feeling in the back of his throat that suffocates his words.]

I've...I had.

[Gods dammit. He swallows around nothing and pushes through other words, a different track to keep moving.]

Forget it. It's not important leastways, not a problem to worry about until it is, so don't mind it.

[notleavingquietly]

All right.

[ He does move on because he can read both the... discomfort and he was told to. ]

How much of the food here have you had opportunity to experiment with?

[chrisisofaith]

[His next breath is a little easier and there's a small rush of gratitude towards Crais for actually letting it go. He need to fold that part of him back into place.]

Ah...mostly stick to what I can recognize from home, but I've tried a whole array of whatever Nate called 'junk food' for a time. Almost all of it made me sick, but pizza's nice and...ah...something to do with noodles. And spicy noodles! Thos're nice.

[Spicy anything is nice, he's found.]