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[chrisisofaith]

UN: ravens

You've reached Chris Sonom, previously of Melvaunt Deismyr, please leave a message.

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[midnightroads]

You're mean.

[And that was perhaps the brattiest thing Bash has ever said in his life. Another pause, this time as he gets his ducks in a row to answer.]

1. Because I don't always let myself believe that I deserve to be cared for. I need to care for everyone, but no one needs to care for me.
2. By putting all that burden on my me, when I fail--because that's not an if, I'm not perfect and I am taking a lot onto my plate--it's gonna feel like a blow against my self-worth, which is already...uhhh.
3. I am, actually, actively, responsible for the well-being of three people in this city, myself and my submissives. I need to have something in reserve for them and can't always be stretched so thin I can't help them.
4. I keep this up, people are going to feel like they can rely on me, and I like the idea of people relying on me, but there's a point where that goes so far that they stop trying to rely on themself.

...uuuh, I miss any of the big ones?

[chrisisofaith]

Those are the big ones, I'm particularly proud of you for 1 and 3, I was going to start there. There are all good.

5. Not every person is going to be kind. It leaves you open to manipulation or use and that can hurt you or those people you love most as well.

6. If you tie your being to those around you and you lose those people for any reason, it can be harder to put yourself back together again even with help, if you even allow yourself help.

It's okay to want to be reliable, it's okay to want those you love most to rely on you. It's not okay to be everything to everyone.

[midnightroads]

#5 is a Thing, yeah. I don't really always know what to do in the face of people who don't meet me where I am in terms of 'trying not to be an asshole'.

[chrisisofaith]

Were it me, I'd gauge their usefulness against the effort needed to maintain knowing them.

I wouldn't use me as an example, however.

For you, I'd recommend cutting losses on anyone not willing to treat you with the respect you deserve.

[midnightroads]

Okay.

And how do I know how much respect I deserve?

[chrisisofaith]

How much respect do you give other people?

[midnightroads]

Okay, now how are we even measuring?

[chrisisofaith]

Bash, I'm worried that we even have to specify

[midnightroads]

It’s not like, that bad, is it?

[chrisisofaith]

That you don't know how much respect you should be receiving from others? That you can't name a baseline?

Yes
That's bad

What sort of treatment would you consider unacceptable from someone interacting with one of your subs?

[midnightroads]

Anything they weren't into. Anyone making them feel small or lesser--without negotiating that in advance, I mean, I know Jeff's looking into getting himself some...right, off-topic. But, like.

They oughta have someone looking out for them because both of them aren't so good at always looking out for themselves, and that's part of what being a Dominant is for.

[chrisisofaith]

Right and what about the dominant himself?
Don't you deserve at least that much?

You look out for them but who looks out for you?

[midnightroads]

I've never needed anyone to look out for me.

[That's the immediate response. A moment later:]

Fuck.

[chrisisofaith]

I think it's time to rethink that, lovely

You might be a dom, but you're a person with needs and need for boundaries first. You ought be looking out for you, but I'm not sure you know how and I don't mean that meanly

Maybe you need someone to keep track for you as well. At least for a bit.

[midnightroads]

I don't want to place that kind of work on anyone's plate. Which I know, that's a symptom of the thing as well, but. I don't know anyone who needs to take on that burden.

[chrisisofaith]

Have you asked?
You didn't need to take on that burden and yet you did.

Don't trip yourself before you've even bothered trying to stand, Bash.

You could try talking to your subs, if you don't want to 'burden' (stupid word) anyone else. They might surprise you. It might help them to have someone else to look out for and, if they're really worth your time, they'll love you enough to want to help anyway.

[midnightroads]

I'll think about it.

[chrisisofaith]

Promise me you will

[midnightroads]

I promise I'll think about it.

[chrisisofaith]

Thank you.
It's a start

[midnightroads]

You're still mean.

But thank you. And I'm sorry for dumping this at you.

[chrisisofaith]

Oh the meanest, I know. Maybe I should say 'good boy'

You're welcome, and I'll not be accepting apologies at this time.

[midnightroads]

Damn, is that why they like hearing 'good boy' so much? That just made EVERYTHING feel a bit better.

[chrisisofaith]

Very likely. Do you need a bit of aftercare, Bash?

Serious question

[midnightroads]

[Another pause before he answers. Not as long, but definitely noticeable.]

Yes. Please.